one minute u can be alive and the next minute '' ------------------ ''

the end.


i have seen quite a number of patients die, but no matter what, every death makes me feel terrible.

being in the room where the body stops breathing, chest stops rising sends chills down my spine.
I can feel my face all cramped up, my arms shivering, and tears filling my eyes .
a terrible feeling.
i swallow my tears and suppress my emotions .
im in my uniform.

perform the last office for the patient in silence, thoughts running through my mind
what if this is my loved one ? can i take it ?

what if this is me ?
where is the soul now ?

at times when i am very attatched to a patient, and when he/she pass away , i cant contain my tears. i'd run to the toilet and cry my heartout, wipe my tears and act strong .

some deaths are expected. experienced nurses actually can tell when the patient is going to ''go''. we tell the family to accept it , its good for the patient , relieve them from more ''suffering''.
but no matter what , no one can accept the lost of a loved one.
i know i never can.

I never faced a loved one's death.
my paternal grandparents died before i was born.
but i know how much it affects my dad, he still misses his dad so much even after 20years.

i value life alot.
my perspective of life and death has changed.
i treasure people around me , my parents, my siblings, my cousins, my friends, relations, aquaintances, everyone .
i treasure every moment i spent with them like its the last.

sometimes, i ask myself why does God give us the best things in life , only to take it away from us .
Then i console myself, we will all die, its natural, and we all hope to meet again up there.

Inshallah.


Death - A long holiday.

&Yours TrulyY

I work Wonders

i cant live without food. food!
food!
food!

&WishesY

To be 60kilograms!
To have bike liscence
Own a Jeep/ Jaguar
To own a pet Bear
To run to a rainforest, lie on a lion's stomach and drink mango juice
To have beautiful skin forever
To marry someone i can really see myself living with and be happily blessed with
To have another baby sister
Try all the tastiest, weirdest, juciest delicacies in the world !
For Chocolates to have 0 calories.
To be a great singer
Travel to Morrocco, Egypt, Turkey, Madinah, Nepal
Never to have tubes inserted into my nose, ears, ANYWHERE ELSE!
to help everyone and anyone in need that crosses my path, as long as i am able to
To die a happy and peaceful death

&Talk